In the face of death, many of us find ourselves at a loss for words – fearful of piling on additional pain or saying the wrong thing to those in sorrow. But for those living in another culture, this can be especially challenging. How do you respond to grief and loss while still learning the language and customs?
Lana*, one of our cross-cultural workers living in the Middle East, recently navigated this in a session with her new language teacher. Since moving with her family just over a year ago, Lana has been studying language diligently and praying for opportunities to have deep, meaningful conversations with her teachers. Still, she was not prepared when her teacher, Fatah*, arrived to class in distress and announced that her uncle had died.
“I fumbled through some kind of phrase expressing condolences, but it was probably the wrong phrase,” Lana says. “Then, we started a section of class where I pick a recording that discusses a situation that happens in daily life and how to navigate it. I scanned through the list and the title ‘What to Do at a Funeral’ caught my eye.”
“I kept looking for something a little lighter, like ‘Going to Get a Haircut,’ but I felt the Lord telling me, ‘No, you need to go over this recording.’ So, with my teacher’s permission, we plunged into it.”
Learning that the women meet separately to listen to a religious teacher read from their holy book, Lana asked what they read about. Fatah proceeded to recite the entire passage from memory. “Wow! You really know your scriptures!” Lana replied. “But what is it about? Is it something comforting?”
Fatah thought long and hard – and shared that the passage talks about following God’s way and recognizing that God is the creator and one in charge of everything. Finding a point of commonality, Lana explained that in her own culture, Christians read from their holy book as well – often reading from passages that describe the hope, forgiveness, and eternal life Jesus promises to those who believe in him.
To Lana’s surprise, Fatah began to confide some of her fears about death – acknowledging that what happens after death is not a topic people often discuss, and that there’s very little about the afterlife in her holy book.
“It just so happened to be Easter week, so I explained that Jesus’ resurrection is the reason for the holiday and that Christians don’t just talk about this stuff one day of the year. We sing about it, read about it, pray about it, and talk about it all the time. New life with Christ is the focus of our faith,” Lana recounts.
As they continued to talk, Fatah’s mood lightened. “I think she found hope in talking to someone who really believes in the certainty of life after death,” Lana says. “I am praying that her curiosity may be piqued to seek the truth.”
“My husband and I talk a lot about how our role right now is to throw little pebbles in people’s shoes,” she continues. “If we can throw a simple thought or idea out there that sticks with them, then perhaps they’ll reach a point where they can no longer ignore the nagging questions.”
*Names changed.